Hot Help: Pizza Hat

In an earlier article, we mentioned that it might be possible to unlock a secret hat in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game™ for play on the Nintendo Entertainment System Control Deck. Well, our Licensed Professional Video Game Counsellors have been hard at work ever since, and they have finally uncovered the secret you've been waiting to see!

If there's one thing our favourite bodacious green Turtles™ love, it's pizza. In fact, this particular game pak comes with a free coupon for a personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut™! (Offer expires December 31, 1991. Void in Quebec and Mexico)

But the pizza fun doesn't end there. Certain levels of the game contain little reminders of the delicious pizzas made with only the most wholesome ingredients, as seen in the screenshot above.

By controlling your Turtle™ with the directional buttons, you can steer him towards the Pizza Hut™ signs, and wear the legendary Pizza Hat™ for yourself! While this secret item does not directly affect your power levels or extra plays, it will strengthen your resolve the way the promise of pizza drives the boys in green to defeat every foe.

For the best results, we recommend performing this trick while eating a nice big slice of pizza. Just don't forget to wash your hands before handling the control paddle. You'll never be able to defeat The Shredder™ with greasy fingers!

Hot Help: Treasures in Skyrim

The Elder Scrolls: fiVe is a medieval action adventure and dragons game for personal gaming computer consoles wherein you take control of an unnamed dragon hunter aiming to stake out a claim for fame and fortune. While you can do literally everything you can think of throughout the Skyrim Province of Nirn, one of the main features of the game is collecting mementos from your dragon-killing exploits.

Knights, Soldiers, Highwaymen, Peasants, Priests, Ghosts--even Bears and Bugs: all of these baddies will block your path to glory. They pose varying degrees of challenge, and all will yield up spoils of war relative to your level of expertise. Still, while gold coin, stronger weapon, and bigger armour are fine, you'll find yourself selling off most of it to shopkeeps for a fraction of their worth anyway.

Don't worry, these beat baddies are only sleeping until they see you quit the game.

No, a true treasure hunter knows that the item's of greatest value are often of incidental or negligible worth. While grave-robbing is a foul practice, it is common knowledge that the victor of a skirmish is owed exactly a tenth of the losers belongings, or all the items on their person. When the last foe falls, pass by those coffers of coin and spend your time amongst the newly dead. Turn out their pockets and take inventory: Who was this soul? What do their former belongings tell about their life? Chances are that these bandits aren't the richest individuals, but what worth did they ascribe to which items? If there is a semi-precious trinket amongst the dross, then think upon its meaning in that context. Piece together, as best you can, an understanding of the soul you just sent to Oblivion. Pocket their preciousness to keep in a chest in your home, and pass onward towards more adventure!

Hot Help: Pausing for Effect

Almost every video game lets you pause the hot electronic action in case you need to eat or go to the toilet (excluding Mike Tyson's Punch Out!!, which, being the most hyperrealistic boxing game pak to date, will not allow you to perform non-punching actions in the middle of a round).

But did you know that many action and adventure games also feature a secondary pause feature that can only be initiated by you, the video game player? Our Licensed Professional Video Game Counsellors have uncovered this amazing new tip which is guaranteed to significantly increase the emotional realism of your favourite titles!

Although this example comes from Super Mario 64 for the Ultra-64 game-play system, you can experiment for yourself and see if it works in any other game paks.

Simply follow the instructions below:

• After achieving at least 70 stars, Super Mario should finally be able to ascend the endless staircase leading to his final showdown with the evil Turtle King, Bowser. Unlock the door and prepare to ascend the stairs. 
• No cheating! Remember, this trick will not work if you take hasty shortcuts. 
• Rather than running up the staircase in a hurry, hold the game pad firmly without touching any buttons. 
• Take a moment to reflect upon your journey and quietly remind yourself what's at stake. Your adventure has taken you to the highest skies and the depths of the ocean. Without your dear friend Princess Toadstool to secure the magic shielding of the Mushroom Kingdom, the denizens will be doomed to a life of enslaved servitude (if such a thing can be called life). 
• Now you're ready to approach the final battle. Rather than pushing the paddle's control stick to it's furthest position, instead, slightly tilt the stick so that Super Mario climbs the stairs at nervous, but steady, walking pace. 

• The lengthy staircase, when taken slowly, provides further moments of reflection. The hall is lined with paintings of King Bowser on the left and Princess Toadstool on the right. This is the final battle between good and evil. The very balance of the world lies in your hands. 
• Before jumping down the chimney (pictured at the top of this article), hold Super Mario steady to push all fears of the Turtle Dragon aside, then jump bravely into the abyss. 
• You are the only remaining hope.

Good luck on the final battle! You may wish to pause for a moment of reflection again before descending the final drainpipe, and once more before touching the final Star, thus breaking King Bowser's dark spell forever. 

Hot Help: Lightening Your Load Time

This week's Hot Help comes at the behest of our readers who want more power out of their gaming systems. We get plenty of letters inquiring about the technical specifications of our cutting edge video game devices. Take this message we received through electronic mail:

Dear SHELPSHOT:
I really like my state of the art video game consoles--I have them all and must have played almost ninety games! I play them for the newest and most realistic electronic experience, which makes me feel like I'm in the future! I have a pretty big gripe though: Every game I play seems to take forever to load to the next level! Blazing through titles is majorly difficult when I have to spend sometimes over fifteen seconds waiting. Is there a faster game deck I can buy to cut down on my downtime?   

 James G.
Cheyenne, WY

Gosh James, we're sorry to hear that your control decks aren't able to keep up with your input, but this is the perfect opportunity to discuss an often overlooked feature of video entertainment: load time! Games will often, for dramatic purposes, cut to a black screen while bits and bytes are walked along the various information caches located throughout the electronics boards of your game consoles and game cartridge packs. While energy moves at the speed of light, these pauses or "load screens" are elongated to draw out the suspense of what lies in subsequent stages, or to drive home the ultimate goal of the experience. Some games even display graphics and minigames with the load screen.

Take the game program Tomba! for the PlayStationX: the main goal of this game is to bite as many evil pigs on the head as possible--an easy task for any experienced game player. But there is so much realism in the settings of Tomba! that it is easy to get lost in the beauty of the neolithic utopia. That is why the game designers programmed in a secret mini game on the load screen.

While you may just see a looping enemy screen, but this video of the loading screen shows the evil pigs tiled in such a way so as to actually function as an autosteroscopic image! By crossing your eyes just so, it can appear that the evil pigs are dancing out of the screen to taunt you, which may strengthen your resolve even in idealistic locales! This helps to raise the stakes of the game, making you more eager to progress to the next challenge. Hope that answers your question James, and thanks for writing in!

Hot Help: Become a Legend. Become a Ghost.

This week we bring you an amazing trick for the Animal Crossing software series, a game that lets you do all the things you do in real life! You can spend your time doing whatever you like, making money, catching bugs, making friends, and even losing friends.

From time to time, your friends will move away. Even if you've put everything into the friendship, you will grow distant, drift apart, and eventually you'll wake up one morning and they'll simply be gone.

We'll it's time to give your animal friends a funny taste of their own medicine! Follow the guide below to become a legendary ghost in your village!

• Play Animal Crossing daily for about a year (long enough to settle into a home and establish a presence in your community)
• After a year has passed, play Animal Crossing late at night, so that fewer watchful neighbours are out. We recommend 3am. 
• Empty all of the furniture, items, fossils, and other goods from your home and spread them around your house. Cut down all the trees. IMPORTANT: do not speak to anyone as you do this.
• Now for the hard part: don't play Animal Crossing for at least one year. Three is better. Seven is best, since seven is a number rife with superstition. 
• From this point on, only play the game in the middle of the night. Walk around town, speak to no one, hide from everyone. 

If this trick is done correctly, the village will be overrun with weeds as your sudden disappearance takes its emotional toll on all the villagers. Doubtlessly, you will have become the stuff of legends, spoken about only in hushed tones behind locked doors. And as long as you continue speaking to no one, your occasional appearances will only lend further credence to the legend of your restless ghost. 

Note: This trick has only be tested on the Nintendo Gamecube version of the software. It is unconfirmed for the DS, Wii, N64 and 3DS versions.

Hot Help: Anger Mismanagement

The inhabitants of Liberty City are pretty high strung, which might have something to do with their cars getting commandeered left and right. To keep things light though, Niko Belic likes to prank the citizens at every chance. You too can follow this trick for pranking all the self-centred citizens in Grand Theft Auto: 4!

Step One: Setup

After arranging to meet your cousin, Roman, pull up close to where he is in your car. Wait for a busy-looking pedestrian to pass in front of Roman before sounding your horn. The alarmed pedestrian will, in a state of egocentric rage, cuss out Niko for disturbing his day!

Step Two: Execution
You know that you were honking to get Roman's attention! Roman will know this too and get in the car, but the persnickety pedestrian will not know your intent and continue to chew you out for being rude! Quickly drive off happily with your loving cousin for an afternoon of fun.

"Cousin! We are prank pulling like true Americans!"

Step Three: Payoff
While Niko and his cousin Roman go off together, they leave behind a Liberty Citizen in mid-rant. With the object of their anger speeding away, the pedestrian's wroth words will slowly fall away into dawning embarrassment at their gut-reactions. They'll have been yelling like a crazy-person at you for no reason whatsoever!

With any luck their day will be ruined, as they can't shake the fact that it is their default mood to be so angry. They may not be able to immediately integrate that information, which will throw them into bouts of more misplaced anger and self-loathing. Just what kind of person goes from zero to blowing up at strangers at the drop of a hat or the sound of a horn anyway? The person may also be upset that they assumed the honk was at them--I mean, it's not like everything in the world revolves around them--they're nobody!

You have successfully revealed an ugly aspect of this person's personality and they will wordlessly contemplate the insignificance of their existence, dwelling on their inability of fully understand the world they thought they knew. Though they may not be able to articulate this emotion to those they are close to, they will carry it with them forever. Eventually, they may forget about it and keep having a short-temper for these things, but in their quiet moments on the bus or while falling asleep at night they will remember who they really are. And a hot flush will creep up the back of their neck and their stomach will drop as they struggle to expunge their silent shame, or at least to quiet their mind and forget again. What fun!!

Hot Help: Be Like Bond

Every video game player knows that if you want to really feel like you're in the game, a first-person perspective shooting game (FPPSG) is the only way to go. This immersive style of game is becoming increasingly popular with gamepaks like Doom and The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion flying off store shelves! Of course, one of the most famous examples of this game style is Goldeneye for the Nintendo 64 gameplay system, which is due to the popularity of the James Bond film series.

But did you know there's a way to stay in the game even after you've turned off the control deck? It's true! Just follow the simple steps below to be like Bond:

1. Play Goldeneye in a dimly lit room on a large television, or sitting very close to a small television. (Note: this secret trick also works with most other FPPSGs).
2. Play the game for between one and three hours (for better results, play longer).
3. IMPORTANT: While playing, be sure to use the R shoulder button to bring up your aiming icon as much as possible!
4. When you're finished playing the game, shut off the control deck and go about your normal routine (eat a sandwich, go to the bathroom, read your favourite video game magazine).
5.  If done correctly, you should still see the aiming icon wherever you look! Now you're just like James Bond!

The pictures below show what you should see in the real world once you've turned off your game.

Hot Help: Board Like a Bully!

On the surface, a game about going to school and studying hard seems like a perfect premise to unwind with after a long day of work: and it is! In Bully: Scholarship Edition (available for multiple interactive gaming consoles), you play the part of Jimmy Hoskins, a well-meaning young man who aims to make a good impression on his peers at his new school, Bullworth Academy.

While going to class to advance your education is fun enough, aiming to earn the coveted 100% Completion rate can be difficult at its easiest. Especially when some achievements are unlocked by performing time-consuming repetitive tasks, such as drinking 100 sodas or riding your skateboard 50,000 metres! Suddenly, staying on campus all the time isn't an option.

Jimmy is a smart cookie though, and isn't afraid to think outside the box. To unlock the secret-distance skateboard achievement, you don't need to board though the hallways to class and back. Simply cozy up to car outside the front gate and perform a classic bumper shine. If you're quiet and stay low, the driver won't even notice as you hang onto the back and they'll give you a ride all over the place! 50,000 metres suddenly isn't that far.

Jimmy knows that not everything can be learned in a classroom and isn't afraid to risk failure in order to achieve his goals. Employing similar attitudes is a surefire path to success, and is bound to help on the road to completing the ultimate 100% challenge!

Hot Help: A Mario Graffiti

In Super Mario Bros. for the NES, our hero Mario must overcome the evil Koopa turtle tribe and their dark magic. They have conquered the Mushroom Kingdom and transformed its denizens, the Mushroom People, into inanimate objects such as stones, horse-hair plants, and even certain bricks. 

As Mario takes back each county of the Mushroom Kingdom, it's VERY important for him to leave messages of rebellion to the cursed Mushroom People. Each time Mario takes down a flag of the enemy, it gives everyone hope that the Great Koopa Turtle King will be overthrown, restoring peace to the land.

But did you know that there are other ways Mario can spread the spirit of resistance? It's true! Due to Mario's brave exploits he has become a symbol of defiance. Even a hastily made representation of his visage is enough to steel the nerves of the Mushroom People, and strike terror into the black hearts of the Koopa turtle tribe.

In the screen above, Super (big) Mario can carve the bricks into such an image. Don't worry! Not all bricks are transformed Mushroom people! Follow the diagram below to leave a picture of Mario for all to see; a message for your enemies, but more importantly for your allies.

Don't forget to grab the Power Boost reward when you free the Mushroom Person from the block that comprises Mario's eye.

Hot Help: I Spit on Your Grave

Teenage Mutant Turtles II: The Arcade Game™for the NES is a superior version of the popular coin-op. Not only is the screen less cluttered by all the superfluous turtles and Foot Clan™ baddies, but the game boasts two extra levels not available in the arcade version!

There's plenty of ninja action to be had, but sometimes the endless stream of Foot™ soldiers, rock monsters and the ghosts of deceased shogunate leaders housed in robot bodies can make a turtle want to recede into his shell. That's why our Licensed Professional Video Game Counsellors uncovered this Hot Help, which will make sure all you turtles out there have the heartened spirit to continue your Mouser™-mashing journey!

You've probably used "taunt" techniques in other great game paks like Super Smash Bros. "Taunting" is not only a great way to diminish the confidence of your opponents, but it's also a way to make your heart feel a little stouter.

In Scene 2 of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game, the rad reptiles use whatever weapons they can find to defeat their foes. You can see in the above picture that Raph is clobbering his opponent by smashing a fire hydrant. But if you direct Raph to stand in front of the spurting hydrant, you get this effect:

It looks just like Raph is spitting on the charred metal remains of his dishonoured opponent! This is sure to enrage the Foot Soldier™'s remaining brethren, while simultaneously weakening their constitution and resolve.

If you are playing a two-player game, this is also an excellent way to "taunt" the other player when you reach a higher score than him!

In an upcoming edition of Hot Help, we'll show you how to find a secret hat for your turtle to wear. Think you can find it before us? Write us a letter and prove it!

Hot Help: Calm Before the Storm

The story of Mega Man 3 is one of betrayal and quiet contemplation. This time, in order to complete all the bosses, Mega Man will have to actually trust his old foe, Dr. Wily, who has renounced evil for good! Mega Man's quest finds him collecting all the special elements from the eight robot planets so that Dr. Wily and Dr. Light can build the peace robot, Gamma. 

However, after triumphing over the eight robots, Mega Man finds that he must re-visit each planet-- each now ruled by eight "Doc Robots" which house the robotic souls of enemies defeated in Mega Man's previous adventure! Is Mega Man's memory malfunctioning? Can consciousness continue if the body is destroyed? What is the nature of good in a robot that has merely been programmed to be good? What is free will, and does it really exist? 

Mega Man's circuits almost overheat as he contemplates these questions, moving down linear corridors, unable to deviate from his destructive course. Luckily, in the revisited Gemini Man stage, Mega Man is given an opportunity to contemplate such questions.

You can use the room above to consider such questions for yourself. The Pros here at SHELPSHOT recommend you slowly expunge all your weapons and items in this room, one after another (excluding Shadow Blade, which you will need to defeat Doc Robot Bubble Man in the next room!)

As you deplete each weapon, allow yourself to meditate upon the blinking colours of the robo-coral. Focus on the bubbles floating near the surface-- is there a hidden message or is it simply your brain attempting to make sense of a repeating pattern?

Be sure to allow the Search Snakes to climb up the ladder. This weapon was once so useful for defeating Gemini Man, but now it is just another reminder of the robot lives that have been terminated. Free the Search Snakes so that some small part of the robotic souls you have collected may now freely use up their remaining power cells as they will.

Hot Help: Snot a Problem

In Super Mario Brothers 3, the once wicked wizard toadstool has been priorly foiled and is still indentured to Super Mario and his younger brother Luigi. But the Super Mario Brothers haven't forgotten about his wicked ways just yet! The Super Mario Brothers still tend to punish the wizard with harmless pranks to keep him subservient while he pays for his crimes. Here is a super-gross one:

Before requisitioning one of the wizard toadstool's treasures from his fungal abode is the perfect time to strike! Enter the toadstool house while wielding an enchantment bestowed by a blooming flower fire. Pretend to throw a fireball inside the wizard's highly-flammable home. When he jumps in fear, Super Mario or his younger brother Luigi will instead hurl a super-booger at their once villainous acquaintance! Very funny Super Mucus Brothers! How long is that going to take to clean up?

(Special Tip! This secret taunt only works on the gamepak for the Nintendo Entertainment System. On the Nintendo All*Stars gamepak for the Super NES, the toadstool wizard has been up to his old treacherous tricks, so Super Mario and his younger brother Luigi will simply biff the weird wizard in the face if they get close enough while powered up. Give it a try!)

Hot Help: Secret of the Sphinx

There's no doubt Bugs Bunny is one of the most beloved cartoon characters of all time, and what better way to celebrate his big fiftieth birthday than with the Bugs Bunny's Birthday Blowout game pak for the NES? This wonderful game perfectly captures the incorrigible humour of the animated shorts with graphics so amazing, it's almost like playing a cartoon!

But if you get tired of playing funny tricks on Elmer and the gang, there are still many secrets hidden throughout the game's levels. For example, did you know about the Secret of the Sphinx in the desert level? 

Be warned! This is a great way to fool your friends or brother...

Just like the sphinxes scattered across Egypt in real life, the sphinxes in Bugs Bunny's Birthday Blowout are mysterious and wonderful. Also, just like real sphinxes, they are easily broken with a hammer.

It's a well known fact that sphinxes always face the same direction in this game, so if you come across two sphinxes close together, use Bugs's magic hammer to destroy the middle portion. If you do it correctly, you can then call your brother into the room and tell him that you discovered an extra large sphinx in the game. Tell him that you had to destroy it to get the vegetables hidden below and show him the remains. Now watch as he tries to imagine the elongated statue that surely fell victim to your mighty hammer! 

Can you find all the areas in the game where this is possible? Are there more secrets you can uncover by smashing things with Bugs's magic hammer? Write in and tell us about it, and don't forget to include more of that amazing envelope art!

Hot Help: Wasteland Burial

The desert world of Fallout 3 isn’t only filled with mutated baddies and irradiated raiders; some souls are kind enough to lend a hand to your quest to save the Wasteland, while others still are simply innocent denizens of an unfriendly frontier. But what can be done when these allied adventures fall to untold terror or treachery? While we are sorry for your loss, when a friendly character is overcome by the challenge of the quest, there are no extra lives for them. Nevertheless, their bodies need not be left for desecration by feral ghouls, and rummaging marauders.

While the sun-scorched earth is difficult to dig, a grave alone is practically an invitation to desecration by disinterment by less respectful Wastelanders or other uncaring creatures. A pyre is more preferable for your pal, and guarantees an peaceful rest.

Follow these obsequies to pay your last respects:

1) Around dusk, neatly lay out the body on the nearest abandoned Corvega Atomic V8, which will act as the bier.

2) Surround the body with any items or objects significant to its person, and include a bottle of scotch or whiskey for libation. Pure water may also be more acceptable given the nature of its value.

3) From a safe distance, shoot the damaged shell of the Corvega with a small caliber pistol or precision rifle until the leaking fission core or the atomic drive engine ignites.

4) Back away slowly listening to the crackling dirge for your friend in the air of the ambient wasteland, before beholding the atomic explosion that scatters your comrade's cremains.

5) Stand stolidly, or cry for your fallen companion. After a brief moment of remembrance, exit the immediate area under cover of darkness, as the bright atomic blast will attract the attention of the surrounding Wasteland. 

Remember that death gives significance to life, and the act of dealing with our dead, either out of practical obligation or respectful remembrance, is an act of being human. If you can maintain your valiant humanity, even in the midst of defeating the most challenging baddies, then you are on your way to becoming the Champion of the Wasteland!

Hot Help: Scary Cacti Guy

Although Super Mario Brothers 2 is one of the most popular games for the Nintendo Entertainment System, there are still a lot of secrets waiting to be uncovered! For example, did you know the Living Cactus in desert levels such as World 2-1 have a terrible secret form? Follow the screenshots and instructions below to master this new foe...

Step 1: Find a Living Cactus in one of the desert levels. Watch out for the Hissers! They pack a powerful punch. Guide Super Mario away from their projectiles.

Step 2: Jump on top of the head of the Living Cactus. Important: Note his smiling face. Super Mario wears thick plumbing boots, so the dangerous spikes on the cacti (living or otherwise) can't hurt his feet. Use the 'B' key to pick up the Living Cactus's head. Super Mario also wears thick work gloves, so the spikes also can't hurt his hands.

Step 3: The terrifying change has already taken place! The Living Cactus's once smiling visage has been replaced with a brooding brow and sharp, poisonous teeth. How will you challenge this new foe? Write in and tell us!