Friday, November 23, 2012

Hot Help: Pausing for Effect



Almost every video game lets you pause the hot electronic action in case you need to eat or go to the toilet (excluding Mike Tyson's Punch Out!!, which, being the most hyperrealistic boxing game pak to date, will not allow you to perform non-punching actions in the middle of a round).

But did you know that many action and adventure games also feature a secondary pause feature that can only be initiated by you, the video game player? Our Licensed Professional Video Game Counsellors have uncovered this amazing new tip which is guaranteed to significantly increase the emotional realism of your favourite titles!

Although this example comes from Super Mario 64 for the Ultra-64 game-play system, you can experiment for yourself and see if it works in any other game paks.

Simply follow the instructions below:

  • After achieving at least 70 stars, Super Mario should finally be able to ascend the endless staircase leading to his final showdown with the evil Turtle King, Bowser. Unlock the door and prepare to ascend the stairs. 
  • No cheating! Remember, this trick will not work if you take hasty shortcuts. 
  • Rather than running up the staircase in a hurry, hold the game pad firmly without touching any buttons. 
  • Take a moment to reflect upon your journey and quietly remind yourself what's at stake. Your adventure has taken you to the highest skies and the depths of the ocean. Without your dear friend Princess Toadstool to secure the magic shielding of the Mushroom Kingdom, the denizens will be doomed to a life of enslaved servitude (if such a thing can be called life). 
  • Now you're ready to approach the final battle. Rather than pushing the paddle's control stick to it's furthest position, instead, slightly tilt the stick so that Super Mario climbs the stairs at nervous, but steady, walking pace. 
  • The lengthy staircase, when taken slowly, provides further moments of reflection. The hall is lined with paintings of King Bowser on the left and Princess Toadstool on the right. This is the final battle between good and evil. The very balance of the world lies in your hands. 
  • Before jumping down the chimney (pictured at the top of this article), hold Super Mario steady to push all fears of the Turtle Dragon aside, then jump bravely into the abyss. 
  • You are the only remaining hope.
Good luck on the final battle! You may wish to pause for a moment of reflection again before descending the final drainpipe, and once more before touching the final Star, thus breaking King Bowser's dark spell forever.